saa (pencinta coklat)

Hari ini aku meletup. Punca dia kecil je, tp sebab aku dah lama pendam perangai sorang2, then yesterday was the first time my family witnessed my 'craziness'. Selalunya depa dengar je khabar daripada pihak hospital. Made a promise to myself that I won't repeat it, but I guess, because of me refusing to express everything, the day finally came. Had a big argument with my sis. I tried to be rational prior to the argument; I went outside to breathe some air. But the words were too harsh. I felt tortured with the words. The words such as "Matanglah sikit!" "Jangan jadi macam budak2 boleh tak!" I'll never forget that. I didn't even ask to feel that way. I thought, "Who are you to judge my feeling? Am I the one at fault at the moment?" I wanted to be rational. Lillahi taala. Lillahi taala. Lillahi taala.  At first, I wanted to ignore everything. But the words keep on lingering in my mind. Feeling angry and sad, I went to the kitchen and cut m...

Salam 7 Ramadan (technically, kita dah masuk 7 Ramadan kan, since it's already passed Maghrib haha) Phew, a little bit awkward nak mencurahkan semua isi hati aku, but, right now, I feel bad and I don't know to whom should I express everything. Well, I don't that one friend yang I willingly to tell everything. Technically, I haven't meet anyone that can hear me out, so yeah, here's my blog which I can be honest, at least for most of things. Now, I'm entering my low mood era and I can barely sleep. Plus, I feel agitated. Damn. Teruk gila. Dah dua hari aku masuk era sleepless night and keep on playing games, otherwise, otak aku akan keep on thinking things that make me upset. I need to redirect my thoughts tho. Thanks to my epileptic drug, I can manage to control things from being too bad. Since I got my newest diagnosis, Bipolar type 2, things are getting weird haha. Firstly, susah gila nak terima kenyataan yang aku ada BMD, nk deny tak boleh sebab diri sendiri me...

After watching Doctor Slump, I just realized that I'm in my slump era. Everyone would have their own slump phase. And each of us would have it differently. Thought that my slump era would be a brief one, but didn't expect it would be this long. But nevermind, I'll just embrace it. I'll just take this opportunity to break, rehat habis2an because I know I've been terribly busy since my primary school years. I barely have memories with my extended family because I've been busy burning the midnight oil. I'll just think that my illness right now as one of the channels for me to "Whoa, wait a minute. Take your break!" Don't worry peeps. I'm not grieving. I've been in the last stage of grief - acceptance. Sometimes, I'll feel useless and hopeless but all I can do to just ditch them because extreme thoughts will pull me back into darkness, so yeah, maybe I've become a heartless girl? HAHAHA perasan. Jokes aside. But, all I can say right...